I met the friendliest cop last night
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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