i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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