ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
