we're blogging at a bar
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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