your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
His hands were made for my vagina.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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