well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
