YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
