I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
