Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We had to coat check the pizza.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
