No stitches, just platelets and will power
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
