The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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