Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
