I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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