I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
