I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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