I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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