What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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