I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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