So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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