remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
