Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
