So drunk its hurt
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he thought i was a dude.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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