no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
