Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
