I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
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