What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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