I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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