"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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