It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize