apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
FUCK WHALES
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
