I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
