So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
