I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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