I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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