The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
