I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
