i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
