Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
