census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
