Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
