You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
