Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
