Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
