He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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