I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
