I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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