i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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