And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
