areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
