Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
