She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
