so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
