Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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