Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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