It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
