Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
