I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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