I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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