I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
