i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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