i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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