All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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