What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
