I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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