Will you blow on my dice?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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