Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
