The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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